Category: Stand Up

I got my gallbladder out a couple of years ago. It means I can’t handle greasy or fatty foods as well as I used to. It’s pretty much aged my metabolism 10 years. So it means I need to be a bit cautious around some foods. If I eat a dirty burger I need to […]

My name is Tom Wade, but back at school, going back to when I first started primary school, I had the nickname Tommy Conceived-in-a-threesome. I come from a small town, word spreads pretty quickly about things and people like to talk. A couple of weeks into kindergarten one of the mothers that came in to […]

You ever have a hangover that’s more wild than the night out? Oh man, I just had one of those. I knew it was wild when I got up and did one of those classic, dehydrated hangover pisses. You know what I’m talking about, it’s a yellow, thick, viscous syrup. It collects at the bottom […]

A little while ago I watched this movie called Colette. It stars Keira Knightly as the titular Colette, author of the Claudine book series, and focuses on how she had to fight to get recognised as a writer because the books were originally published under her husband’s name. It’s actually a really interesting look at […]

New Year’s Resolutions, you sticking to yours? Because I just crossed off one of mine. End of last year, I was talking to one of my friends about what I should do as a New Year’s Resolution. They said, ‘I don’t know, how about you go for a bike ride or something.’ I said, ‘What? […]

I noticed this protrusion on my stomach the other day; a triple threat of a couple of ingrown hairs and a pimple, all nestled in the soft flesh of a stretch mark. A pimple is usually not such a big deal for me, my back already makes me look like an alien queen, just dotted […]

I’ve always had sinus problems, so I went to my doctor to see what they could do for me. They prescribed me this nasal spray that was meant to clear things right up. But I try spraying it in my nose and I can’t feel anything. I try each nostril a couple of times and […]

I worked for this regulatory body, the one that takes doctors and medical people to court when they do something wrong… usually six months after the fact when the damage’s been done. I had nothing to do with that, I just published the press releases. 99% of the time they do their job and stop […]

The last time I was sick I was constantly clearing my throat, had a headache from coughing so much, a sore nose from being packed with snot, puffy eyes, fever, the works. Whilst I was off sick I had long hot showers and sit out the front of my place, patting my neighbour’s cat and […]

So I’m having dinner with my girlfriend, and we’re eating in front of the TV. Of course, the low angle of the coffee table means there’s crumbs on the floor so I go get my girlfriend’s vacuum cleaner to clean it up. She’s got one of those fancy hand held vacuum cleaners with all the […]