Isn’t it crazy how no matter how hard you work at something, no matter how clear your vision is, and how dedicated you are, you just can’t realise your vision if you need to rely on other people?
Let me paint you a picture:
I have $288.87 in my hand, and nothing up my arse.
It should be the other way around. I’m on all the websites, all the apps, I just can’t find a woman to peg me.
I’m walking down the street, $263.12 in hand, trying not to drop my coins – you may think that’s change from $300, no. That last $30 is all coins I scrounged together.
That’s right, I found a 2 cent coin. It was under the couch at my parents’ place. I said to myself, ‘that’s legal tender. You give that to a bus driver; They have to accept it.’
So I’m walking down the street with my $220.97, going up to every woman who looks my type, and I’m begging them, ‘Please! I will give you $218.32 to put this harness on and fuck this dildo up my arse. You don’t have to bring a thing. I’ve got the strap on – it’s vegan leather. No ethical quandary there. I’ve got the dildo – look at how flat that head is. That’s right, miniature horse cock. Medical grade silicone, all safe, all clean. My own design too, custom job. I can take it all the way up to the knot.’
I tell them, the women on the street, that I meet: ‘We can do it however you want to; you want to do me from behind? Or I can face you, and you can finish me off onto my stomach afterwards, but only if I’ve been a good boy. I’ll eat it as well, if you tell me to.
You can treat any hole however you like, I’ll be your little fuck doll. In fact, more than that, you can create new holes, do whatever you want with me. I’m just a malleable form you can do whatever you want with. I have no true shape or body, I’m just a big pile of fuck putty you can shape to your will.’
I tell them: we can talk about you being my mummy. ‘You can look after me, breastfeed me, train me to be your good little boy, or girl, if you want, it’s not really up to me.
We can go to the pet store and I’ll buy a collar for myself. When the person at the counter asks what dog I have, I’ll tell them the truth. It’s for me and I’m mummy’s pet. I’ll do that if you want me to.
You can call me the n-word. Repeatedly. I’m totally fine with that – if you want to, that is. You can call me the n-word over and over as we have sex. You can call me the n-word during sex if you want to. I’m okay with it if that’s what you’re into, really.’
I tell these women: ‘I’m not making much right now, but I’ve almost finished my glass blowing apprenticeship. My master has promised to put me on as a journeyman glass blower once I get my qualification, then mummy can decide how much money I get. Maybe I can use my skills to make some other things you can shove up my arse as well.
I just want to try scream your name as my cheeks fill up with bile because my mouth has been filled up and sealed off by your thrusting plastic cock.’
I sent this all to a woman online, it wasn’t a dating site or anything. She’s an associate at a law firm, I liked the look of her, and her profile had her email address on there. So I sent her an email about how she could make a quick $213.47 She replied, ‘You’re disgusting. I wouldn’t peg you if you paid me.’
I sent back, ‘that’s literally what I’m trying to do.’
My friends keep telling me I could find a woman to peg me for free if I just calmed the fuck down. But I tell them, ‘NO! You don’t understand!’
They say if I want to pay a woman $205.92 to peg me there are plenty of ethical sex workers out there. I could contact one and reach a respectful and non-exploitative agreement where the sex worker can help me realise my fantasies with respect to my boundaries. I tell them. ‘NO! That’s not it either!’
There was this one woman, she said yes. Finally. She was sold the second I came up to her and mentioned the $200.02. We sorted out details, I gave her the $172.77 and we were about to get to it.
Before we started, I said to her as a quick aside, ‘while we’re doing it, the pegging of me, could you, because it’s a horse dildo and all, could you, like, when we’re doing it, could you make some noises, kinda make it sound like, I dunno, like you’re transforming into, transforming into like a were-horse or something?’
She just got up, took my $163.12, and left. Didn’t say a word, wouldn’t reply to messages, completely ghosted me. My $159.77? Gone.
Isn’t it crazy? No matter how driven you are, how dedicated and organised you might be, you just can’t rely on other people.