Okay, here’s what I know:
Money left: $5000
Monthly rent: $1000
Weekly groceries: $50?
Monthly internet: $69
Monthly phone bill: $30
I went through my bank statements and my emails to check every recurring bill or subscription I had. I cut everything I didn’t need. I’d love to cut down on the internet, but I live in a shithole that no telecommunications provider can connect internet to. It’s possible, but this is what happens when you create a monopoly privatising a utility then botch a broadband rollout. I’m stuck on expensive and inconsistent 4G.
Groceries. I could eat less. No indulgences in food I don’t need, I’ll get through my Christmas chocolates so I actually enjoy something this year. Then I’ll move to big batch everything. Spend a day cooking and reheat for a week.
Everything else I can’t change. My girlfriend should keep paying her half of the rent as long as we’re still together, otherwise that will double. I’m sure she wants to get back with me eventually.
I plugged all this into a spreadsheet. The people who spread bills out on the table are idiots, no wonder you’re poor; you’re trapped in the same economic system as me with little support and no way to opt out.
I can do a lot more projections and financial planning like this. Put my financial history into a spreadsheet and I can use that to map what things will look like in the future.
At least, I know that’s possible. I don’t know how to do it myself, I know you can do that with spreadsheets though. So I did what any go getter would do: I searched for spreadsheet tutorials on Youtube then went and laid on my couch and played Tsum Tsum on my phone for a couple of hours.
I’ve still got all the hearts from when I was in a Line group a couple of years ago. I just found the bingo cards again.
I could become a spreadsheet whizz in lockdown. But where would it get me? Do I just put it on my resume? Put in for the three jobs on Seek at the moment? Jobs that require years of experience when I’ve just taught myself how to use spreadsheets on the internet?
Sure, mister Neo Liberal, how do I pay the rent in three months from now?
I’ve got five months rent total. I might be able to do four months if I cut back on everything and have no unexpected expenses – maybe if I give myself starve days like a lion in captivity. Let’s be realistic and say I’ve got three months before my real estate agent kicks me out. I just need to figure out what I’m going to do in that time. I can just sit here and stress about how I’m going to survive past three months when all options are closed off.
Sure, I can apply for Jobseeker. With the $100 fortnightly cut it should pay about 80% of my rent, stretching things out for a couple more months. Yeah, I’ll get to it. Eventually.
Everything I could do is futile. All the active measures I can take just prolong my descent into poverty and homelessness – in the middle of a pandemic mind you.
I could try get a job to cover things – but, huh, I’ve been doing that for the past five years? I’ve been trying to find stable work for five fucking years, long before this pandemic and the downturn hit. I couldn’t find shit then, and now there are a lot more people looking and a lot less jobs going. So that doesn’t seem like an option.
No, I’ll just lay here and mark off bingo cards in Tsum Tsum. It makes no difference, but nothing would. And at least I feel like I’m achieving something – and I’m good at it.