My name is Tom Wade, but back at school, going back to when I first started primary school, I had the nickname Tommy Conceived-in-a-threesome.
I come from a small town, word spreads pretty quickly about things and people like to talk.
A couple of weeks into kindergarten one of the mothers that came in to help out was overseeing one of the groups I was in, when she was like, ‘you’re Tom Wade? Who are your parents?’
So I told her, and, it looked like she was doing some quick maths in her head, then she said, ‘ah, you’re that kid, Tommy Conceived-in-a-threesome.’ And from then on the name just stuck.
When I was a little older I asked my dad why everyone was calling me Tommy Conceived-in-a-threesome, and he told me, ‘Tom, I love you no matter what, even if you’re not mine. But if you aren’t, that would make it even hotter.’
I didn’t understand what he meant at the time, but I’m older now, and I wish I could go back.
As I got older, the name persisted. And as kids grow up they find out more about sex, and every time they did, they’d come up to me and tell me about it, to give me more details on how I earned this nickname.
I grew up in a small town, so they also found out more information on the actual night in question… And they insist on telling me about that too.
So I’ve had to learn it was a July night, there was my mum, my dad, and another dude. It wasn’t spontaneous, they planned it. A couple of potential partners declined, so people knew my parents were looking and that’s how word got out.
It was both my parents’ idea, but it was my dad who had to organise it. Apparently my mother liked the idea of my dad having to find another man to fuck his wife, and then be the one to ask them.
The humiliation of rejection was as much part of the thrill as the possibility of an additional partner.
One thing no one ever told me is who it was. I can’t help it, but it’s something I’ve tried to piece together myself. My dad has a highschool friend up in Queensland he hardly sees, but both my parents are overly familiar with him.
Years later, it was relayed to me my dad was heard saying raising a kid that potentially wasn’t his, who was also being subtly bullied for a tryst his parents had one night, was the best thing to ever happen to him.
Of course, he didn’t say it to me directly. I don’t know where he said it, but it was promptly reported back to me.
So, in some fucked up way at least, I can say my dad’s proud of me?
Once I finished highschool I promptly moved to Melbourne where no one knew me, where I could live a normal life.
I haven’t been called Tommy Conceived-in-a-threesome for years, because no one knew me, and I wasn’t going to tell them.
And I haven’t told anyone… until I wrote this post…